So I started high school in 1991. I wasn’t the prettiest girl in school or the most popular. I wanted boys to like me though and I made a lot of mistakes. Again, Taylor Swift was only two years old so I didn’t have anyone to tell me that in my life I would “do things greater than dating the boy on the football team”.
I didn’t know it at fifteen. I am going to tell my daughter though. I did not think that I was ever going to have a daughter of my own. Jason and I have a son and I will write that story down at some point – it is an oldie (because I have told it so many times in the past seven years) but a goody (because, as usual, God changed me through it all.) We tried to have a second child when Sam (that is my way cool seven year old son) was still in diapers. I was tired of trying and I just wanted to know God’s plan for my life. One morning I lay face to the floor asking God if we were going to have any more children. He said to me, “You and Jason will raise spiritual children.” That was enough for me. If that was His plan for us – then I was content.
Jason and I worked with high school students at church. We loved it. We loved them. We went to retreats and camps and we went to their football games. We watched them play in the band and cheer on the sidelines. We watched them grow up.
Then we moved to the pacific-northwest where we felt God confirming our calling to raise spiritual children. Jason became the children’s leader at our church and I eventually became the Pre-school leader (after my flesh threw a temper tantrum, but that is another blog posting for another day!). Anyway, God continues to call us to work with and love children.
In February 2009 I found out I was pregnant. We couldn’t even wait for a doctor to confirm it (we thought two pregnancy tests was enough) before we started telling our family and friends! They were all as shocked and excited as we were!
I begged God for a girl. I finally had to change my prayer to something like, “God, if it’s a boy – let me be okay with that.” Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and would wrestle a Sasquatch for him, but I really needed a girl. I needed beauty from ashes.
Over the years I have been able to share with many teen age girls my past mistakes in hopes that they would learn from mine and not repeat the same things in their own lives. If my past can help someone else’s future then that, for me, is beauty from ashes. And if I can re-visit that teenage girl that I used to be and get to the root of why she gave herself in the first place and find healing. Then, I have beauty from ashes.
My daughter’s name is Faith. I call her Beauty.