I had a revelation a few weeks ago: I was never going to be perfect. I cried. For a perfectionist, this is a pretty hard pill to swallow. See, as a perfectionist I realized that I wasn’t perfect, but I was pretty sure that I was almost perfect. I had been a perfectionist all my life. I am 33. I almost wrote 32. That is when you know you are getting old, when you actually forget how old you are. Anyway, I am now a recovering perfectionist. I am pretty sure there are steps. 1) Keep your house messy. This is easy for me since I have two kids. 2) Don’t cook dinner every night. Also easy, since I’ve still got the two kids that are messing up the house. 3) Don’t shower. Again, kids. . .
So I guess I should mention that before I had two kids, I just had one kid. I know, that is ground breaking! What I mean is that my oldest child was an only child for over six years. Now my youngest child is ten months old and it wasn’t until she was born that I realized I didn’t have the time or energy to strive for perfection any more. When I just had one kid I still had time to clean my house and cook dinner. I even used to have “me time” where I would get cozy and read a magazine (don’t be jealous). I had no idea how hard it was to have two kids. It has totally changed me.
Now, back to the part where I thought I was almost perfect. I honestly thought that one day I would be so spiritually mature that a selfish thought would never enter my mind. . . or an impure thought, or a negative thought about some one else. Surely, I was almost there and this day would come! And what a day it would be! Anxious to know how much longer God needed to work on me until I was spiritually perfect, I kind of hinted to Him that I was ready. He said to me, “Becky, if you were perfect, then you would be God.”
Wow. That is the part where I cried. Not only had my almost perfect perfectionist bubble just been burst but I realized that I thought I could actually be like God. And I remembered that is just what Satan wanted and why he was cast out of heaven. I know he had me in the grips of perfectionism to take my eyes off of Christ and keep them on myself.
I realized that spiritual maturity wasn’t about never having a non-Christ like thought come to my mind but in the timing of taking those thoughts captive and making them obedient to Christ (2 Cor. 10:5). And I will have to do this every day for the rest of my life. Because I’m never going to be perfect; and I’m okay with that.